Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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