if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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