Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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