Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
