Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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