Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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