$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
