you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
