There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
