maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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