New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
