This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Houston, we have a squirter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
