Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
