I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
