Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
