Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize