Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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