I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
