Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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