SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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