We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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