I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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