We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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