and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
