Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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