She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She has the best kind of daddy issues
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
