i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
