you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Panties = found
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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