Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
