took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
