Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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