On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She bit a glass in half.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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