oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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