i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
