If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
