i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
