Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize