i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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