i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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