The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize