I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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