I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
