morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
