I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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