I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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