you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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