i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
