a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
