we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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