we have officially lost it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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