Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
