I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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