thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize