john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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