So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
