my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
