so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
