i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
one two three fourrrrnication!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
