yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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