just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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