would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
