I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
