Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
