Where are you?
In a non slutty way
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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