i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
