She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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