I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ladies don't puke and tell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
