you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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