perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
