Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
4 words: hood of his car
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
