For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
