you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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