you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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