i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
