i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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