"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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