I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
