I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
