I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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