Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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