sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
