And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
