If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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