I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
