Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
