Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I could make wine with my vomit
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
