Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
