Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize
