Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
