i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
