I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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