Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
