I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
