Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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